The Unexpected Message

I think this is how movies make us think God talks to us so there, a visual aid.

It has been long since I wrote. I have not really had anything to say. Been feeling rather dry. I'm like an out of practice Christian. I realised I am not able to concentrate in prayer and cannot pray for very long. Yes, sorry to all the people in my prayer book. Najaribu! I also speed read the Bible. Actually, I speed listen. Lazy Christian indeed. I have also been low on faith especially when praying for myself. I felt like God was not answering my prayers. You should see how fervently I sing, 'Pass me not O gentle saviour'. In English and Kiswahili too. 

In the midst of this struggle, I was praying the other day. I arranged myself in the posture of prayer and then I started praying. At least I tried to. I was full of the best intentions to pray for myself and others. However, while the spirit was willing and the body was kneeling, my mind was weak. My thoughts just kept straying. (Join me in saying, 'Shindwe' and/or 'the devil is a liar'). I just couldn't concentrate on the prayer! Then I remembered that prayer is a conversation so I thought that perhaps I should just let God speak as He was likely to be more focused than I was. I must say that He was. And I just felt God's love. He was telling me that He loves me. Very much. In the midst of my shaky faith and doubts and poor Bible reading and little prayer, He loves me. No judgement. Just love. It surprised and revived me. 

Some days later, I was listening to Pastor Jon Courson on radio. He was talking about the time in Genesis 20, that Abraham and his wife Sarah pretended that she was his sister. The issue was that Sarah alikuwa msupa kuruka and Abraham thought that if the people in the lands they were journeying through knew she was his wife, they'd kill him to get her. So the king in Gerar took the beautiful Sarah. At night, God told the king that he should give Sarah back to Abraham because Abraham was His prophet. So the king did that and asked Abraham, 'Why would you do that to me dude?!' Fair question methinks. Abraham said, you know it was not really a lie seeing as we share a father and not a mother. You really should read it for yourself. That story! Well, Pst. Jon Courson was pointing out how in the midst of all this, God said that Abraham was His prophet. One would think that God would not want to be associated with Abraham and his dealings. To make it worse, Abraham (then known as Abram) had done the same thing with Sarah (then known as Sarai) while they were going through Egypt in Genesis 12. This time it was Pharaoh who took Sarai. She must have been REALLY beautiful seeing as it is the kings who took her. Pharaoh started seeing his manenos are not going well and God revealed to him that it was because of Sarai. He was understandably angry and sent Abram out of his territory. So Abraham had failed to trust God on the same issue twice though he had known that God was able to take care of him and his wife. And yet God still identified him as His prophet and was going to curse the king because of Abraham and Sarah. One would think that he would issue a tablet telling all that Abraham was no longer authorised to transact any business as God's prophet or to profit as a prophet. But God is not me or you. Yes, you. 

When I reflect on it, I know that while I might be surprised at Abraham, really, I am like him. Forgetting too quickly what God did for me in the past. Forgetting that since God is the one who told Abram to go to an unnamed land, then He would make sure that he got there. But in the midst of this, he chooses to say that He loves me. Psalms 103:8-14 sums this up better than I can:

The Lord is merciful and gracious,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

He will not always chide,

nor will he keep his anger forever.

He does not deal with us according to our sins,

nor repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

As a father shows compassion to his children,

so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust.